I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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