I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
