are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
