Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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