fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
