Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm at about main and main street
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
