five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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