The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
