I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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