The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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