Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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