were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
