Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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