I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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