You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
