hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
