My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
