Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
