I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
