Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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