im about as happy as oj after his trial
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
