a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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