Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
