Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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