Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
