dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
