"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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