I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
