I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Enjoy the penises
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
