U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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