i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
