Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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