Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm always down for nudity.
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