I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
where are my eyebrows?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
