and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
