Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize