if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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