We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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