I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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