best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
