I got chris browned last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize