what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
