Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
