it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
