You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
