you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize