There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
