Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
