Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
