My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
