This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
