what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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