i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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