She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
