i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
