Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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