my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
