i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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