I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
