Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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