We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
