you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
