hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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