my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just gift wrapped bread.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize