doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
