can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
