yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize