I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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