Need sex. Gaining weight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize