seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
