We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Houston, we have a blender
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
