I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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