well I can't set my house on fire every night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
