no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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