i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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