onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
