I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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