im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize