oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His hands were made for my vagina.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
