Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
