i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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