the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
