i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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