just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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