Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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