shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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