I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
