i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How does one acquire holy water?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
