She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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