I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i came on her dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
