im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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