Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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