I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
