You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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