You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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