Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
