I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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