I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
