i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
