In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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