I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
