I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
