What a fucking waste of an outfit
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
