I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
