I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
