pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
