your parents love me but you hate me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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