I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
