Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
