let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
