Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
