do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
