My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
