I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
